Post by Corey on Jul 15, 2009 14:27:36 GMT -5
Good evening ladies, gentlemen, honoured alumni, Newfs, alcoholics, sex addicts, and anorexics alike! I'd like to welcome you to the annual Merge Feast! We're going to start things off with a celebratory roast 
Yes, my fellow cast members are so wonderful. They're about as wonderful as Wonder bread.
I mean come on, first there is Alyssa. Her personality is revolves around one thing. Boys, boys, boys. So uh what brought you into ORGs Alyssa? "I like boys and wanted to meet more boys!" "omg, you're straight and you're cute!" "I totally thought we'd get along and be allies because you're hot and you're straight!" If this reflects the girl's strategy then we've got some major problems here. Perhaps she should either a) Become a lesbian and hit on the girls or b) Dress up as a man (which wouldn't be hard for her) and start hitting on the gay boys because she certainly isn't going to get anywhere with me.
Then we've got Brittany. Miss Karma herself. Congratulations to her seriously!! 14 Karma! Wow. That is definitely an accomplishment. I've only earned 1 Karma myself so this girl has really gotta be working it. It makes me wonder how the girl has earned 14 Karma when it looks like she has taken multiple shovels to the face. I can see it now...Brittany heads over to the alumnizzle forum and offers her Manitoban-famous blowjob to Juice. When all is said and done she exclaims "Exalt Me!" 14 Karma, 14 sexual favours. You go shovel girl!
Erik, Erik, Erik. Montenegro's little golden boy. Our last remaining token winner! He can hide behind his charming personality and his friendly AOL screenname Yoshirocks but there is no way he is going to remove that winner target. That target is as big as his affro mess of a hairdo. I mean who does this dude's hair? You'd think he is going for this look...
Friendly lion my ass.
Jeffrey is much the same as Erik except way way more gay. I mean Bjork? Really? That shit is like one of the epitomy stereotypes of gays and he puts it in his screenname. Way to throw the gay culture under the bus Jeffrey. Now bend over and let Erik and Alex go apeshit wild. Oh wait, we've already touched on "the wild" with Erik.
Oh crap, speaking of Alex...I almost forgot him. How could I do that? Oh right! He's Mexican. When you think of ORG players you don't ever think of Mexico. That's like meeting someone in an ORG and they say they are from Uganda or like Botswana. You'd be like wtf? Mexico? Seriously? What's he doing here anyways? Wait, yah...Erik ordered a mail order bride. **forehead smack**
Now we can't go having a roast without my boy Tucker. He deserves major props for doing so well in this game living in England and all. Jolly good show indeed. But talking to Tucker is like talking to a redneck though every now and then. Those Brit's have some weird ass words and every now and then something pops up that I can't help but go, HUH? You can't help but want to yell at him SPEAK ENGLISH! But that'd be kinda ironic hehe.
Moving right along to my favourite girl left in the game, Miss Lorii. My golden girl. And speaking of, I can totaly see Lorii being just like one of these ladies when she is older...
Such a sweetheart but secretly scandalous. What an amazing combo. I absolutely love that the either girls are haters towards her. If I had a personality that revolved around attempting to be a whore to every straight guy on the internet or had a shovel face I'd certainly be jealous of Lorii too. But I mean the girl is not without her faults. She's working around salmon all summer. The smell of fish coming from her is not just going to be coming from her vag. The smell is going to be beyond revolting and extending from every pore of her body. Plenty of showers Lorii, plenty of showers okay?
Then we've got Jason. Jason seems to have far too much time on his hands.
Case and point example A...
I mean really? Funny faces? All that does is make him look like a massive tard. Especially this one within that picture...
I mean my first impression of him came from that very picture. Buddy IMed me and I couldn't get that horrific picture out of my head and I kept thinking this guy is actually retarded isn't he? Special needs to the extreme.
The excessive amount of time on his hands continues. Case and point example B...
Who does shit like that? Who gets that bored that they decide to take a photo of THEMSELF like that which just screams "Please Rape Me" to any internet pedophiles that may come across it? The kid is only 17 years old for crying out loud! Too much time and obviously a lot of psychological trauma in that head of his.
Then we have Joey, who also seems to have a problem with making silly faces. But we've touched on that already so we'll him be. It's funny that when Joey was announced as a cast member that he was introduced as "Joey!? Yes, Joey. Well, who the fuck is Joey!?" and he even made a joke about himself in that regard by putting WHO? over one of his pictures. Well Joey has since shown people you don't mess with the Joey! No one is saying who the fuck is Joey anymore. Actually I don't really have anything more to say then WHO IS JOEY!?
And finally we have Evan. Evan is out to beat Donna as the oldest person to ever play ORGs. In fact, at 31 he's going to be able to say that he is the longest ORG player in the history of ORGs because once he reaches Donna's age he'll have been playing for FAR FAR too long. He's going to be playing these games until he is in diapers and sitting in the geriactric ward. No word of a lie. But that just goes to show how much he loves these games and I think we can all attest that there is nothing wrong with that.
Thanks for reading and have a fantastic night y'all!
Yes, my fellow cast members are so wonderful. They're about as wonderful as Wonder bread.I mean come on, first there is Alyssa. Her personality is revolves around one thing. Boys, boys, boys. So uh what brought you into ORGs Alyssa? "I like boys and wanted to meet more boys!" "omg, you're straight and you're cute!" "I totally thought we'd get along and be allies because you're hot and you're straight!" If this reflects the girl's strategy then we've got some major problems here. Perhaps she should either a) Become a lesbian and hit on the girls or b) Dress up as a man (which wouldn't be hard for her) and start hitting on the gay boys because she certainly isn't going to get anywhere with me.
Then we've got Brittany. Miss Karma herself. Congratulations to her seriously!! 14 Karma! Wow. That is definitely an accomplishment. I've only earned 1 Karma myself so this girl has really gotta be working it. It makes me wonder how the girl has earned 14 Karma when it looks like she has taken multiple shovels to the face. I can see it now...Brittany heads over to the alumnizzle forum and offers her Manitoban-famous blowjob to Juice. When all is said and done she exclaims "Exalt Me!" 14 Karma, 14 sexual favours. You go shovel girl!
Erik, Erik, Erik. Montenegro's little golden boy. Our last remaining token winner! He can hide behind his charming personality and his friendly AOL screenname Yoshirocks but there is no way he is going to remove that winner target. That target is as big as his affro mess of a hairdo. I mean who does this dude's hair? You'd think he is going for this look...
Friendly lion my ass.
Jeffrey is much the same as Erik except way way more gay. I mean Bjork? Really? That shit is like one of the epitomy stereotypes of gays and he puts it in his screenname. Way to throw the gay culture under the bus Jeffrey. Now bend over and let Erik and Alex go apeshit wild. Oh wait, we've already touched on "the wild" with Erik.
Oh crap, speaking of Alex...I almost forgot him. How could I do that? Oh right! He's Mexican. When you think of ORG players you don't ever think of Mexico. That's like meeting someone in an ORG and they say they are from Uganda or like Botswana. You'd be like wtf? Mexico? Seriously? What's he doing here anyways? Wait, yah...Erik ordered a mail order bride. **forehead smack**
Now we can't go having a roast without my boy Tucker. He deserves major props for doing so well in this game living in England and all. Jolly good show indeed. But talking to Tucker is like talking to a redneck though every now and then. Those Brit's have some weird ass words and every now and then something pops up that I can't help but go, HUH? You can't help but want to yell at him SPEAK ENGLISH! But that'd be kinda ironic hehe.
Moving right along to my favourite girl left in the game, Miss Lorii. My golden girl. And speaking of, I can totaly see Lorii being just like one of these ladies when she is older...
Such a sweetheart but secretly scandalous. What an amazing combo. I absolutely love that the either girls are haters towards her. If I had a personality that revolved around attempting to be a whore to every straight guy on the internet or had a shovel face I'd certainly be jealous of Lorii too. But I mean the girl is not without her faults. She's working around salmon all summer. The smell of fish coming from her is not just going to be coming from her vag. The smell is going to be beyond revolting and extending from every pore of her body. Plenty of showers Lorii, plenty of showers okay?
Then we've got Jason. Jason seems to have far too much time on his hands.
Case and point example A...
I mean really? Funny faces? All that does is make him look like a massive tard. Especially this one within that picture...
I mean my first impression of him came from that very picture. Buddy IMed me and I couldn't get that horrific picture out of my head and I kept thinking this guy is actually retarded isn't he? Special needs to the extreme.
The excessive amount of time on his hands continues. Case and point example B...
Who does shit like that? Who gets that bored that they decide to take a photo of THEMSELF like that which just screams "Please Rape Me" to any internet pedophiles that may come across it? The kid is only 17 years old for crying out loud! Too much time and obviously a lot of psychological trauma in that head of his.
Then we have Joey, who also seems to have a problem with making silly faces. But we've touched on that already so we'll him be. It's funny that when Joey was announced as a cast member that he was introduced as "Joey!? Yes, Joey. Well, who the fuck is Joey!?" and he even made a joke about himself in that regard by putting WHO? over one of his pictures. Well Joey has since shown people you don't mess with the Joey! No one is saying who the fuck is Joey anymore. Actually I don't really have anything more to say then WHO IS JOEY!?
And finally we have Evan. Evan is out to beat Donna as the oldest person to ever play ORGs. In fact, at 31 he's going to be able to say that he is the longest ORG player in the history of ORGs because once he reaches Donna's age he'll have been playing for FAR FAR too long. He's going to be playing these games until he is in diapers and sitting in the geriactric ward. No word of a lie. But that just goes to show how much he loves these games and I think we can all attest that there is nothing wrong with that.
Thanks for reading and have a fantastic night y'all!
