Post by Joey on Jul 14, 2009 22:28:20 GMT -5
"Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good."
Truer words were never spoken better than her Fabulous Firecrotch self, a Miss. Cady Heron of Mean Girls. That quote can almost perfectly describe my current position in our iSurv1vor experience. The only difference is that I didn't push anyone (Kirin) in FRONT of a bus, I threw her UNDER the bus, yw! Did it feel good...no. But it had to be done.
Now with only 11 of us left, and a chance to roast my fellow contestants, I figured why not lead by example. Mean Girls is by far one of my favorite (and clearly the best) movies of all time. Therefore, I am going to use a quote from this famous film to describe exactly how I feel about each cast member currently in the game.
For the record, I was going to compare everyone to a Britney Spears song, but I figured that kiss-assness was far to obvious.
Without further adieu, let me introduce you to our current merge member of iSurv1vor: Montenegro.
Alex
"If you're from Africa, why are you white?"- Karen
Our resident little Chuy, Alex hails to us from the great state of MEXICO where their motto is "Pork, the other pandemic flu." I chose this quote for Alex mainly because he reminds me so much of our resident airhead Karen. Whether an act or not, it is epically humorous to get asked questions like "Whats a strap on?" and "Whats top and bottom mean?" With all the gays in this game, Alex's personal inquiries about the gay lifestyle can quickly be answered, but they make me giggle nonetheless.
Alyssa
"Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that."- Janis
Were you expecting any less? I mean really c'mon. It is no secret that Alyssa and I are not friends in this game. What I can respect about Alyssa, similar to Regina George, is that she isn't afraid to say how she feels regardless of other people's feelings. I think that makes her a ballsy individual, (insert Alex "Whats a ballsy?") however we can all agree she won't be running for the Mother Theresa Humanitarian of the Year Award. However, I do question her taste in lip products. Her cherrybomb, redfirecrotch lipstick is a little bit TOO red for my taste. However, one has to question whether it really is lipstick, or just the blood she sucked from poor Olyvia's body.
Britti
"Oh no, it was coming up again...word vomit."- Cady
I had no idea what quote I could use for Britti, because the fact of the matter is I often forget she's even in the game. We rarely if ever talk. I use this quote because when I DO talk to Britti I sound like Rainman having an epilleptic fit. I talk about the most random and useless things to try to keep a conversation afloat. She's the Victoria to my Jonathan ala The Amazing Race. I just drag her around during a conversation because she's too incapable of saying anything relevent back to me.
Erik
"I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me...but I can't help it that I'm so popular."- Gretchen
I could have sworn I was playing iSurv1vor, but quickly after joining I realized the game was who could deepthroat Erik's dick the best. It's seriously such a nerd herd mentality (think BB6) over Erik. I'm pretty sure I've compared him to the new cappy. I'd also like to make a suggestion that from now on, whenever someone gets voted out, their little icon picture on the banner turns to a picture of Erik. I'm waiting for everyone to start carrying pictures of him around and protesting for a "who knows Erik the best" immunity challenge.
Evan
"Those bitches."- Janis
This quote is taken from the scene in which Janis is told that the plastics have NOT been talking about her behind their back. I used it for Evan for a simple reason. Evan is never really in the majority. He is usually on the outs, but he ALWAYS thinks he is this major target. Obviously if you are in the minority you are going to be a target, but Evan thinks he is like a deer with his head on the wall, and he usually if not always ISN'T the target *lawlz*. It is a lil sad, because I think he wants so badly to be threatening, and if he isn't being targeted or talked about he gets a lil bitter. So c00t. <3
Jason
"Those other two are just her little workers."- Janis
We've established that Alyssa is the Regina George of iSurv1vor. Jason is her Gretchen. His picture is so sepia tone its full of secrets. I don't really know Jason well. It's difficult to talk to someone when their head is so far up anothers ass. I mean technically I could just grab a mic by Alyssa's ass and keep my fingers crossed that Jason can hear me up there, but to be honest, that close to a females ass is crossing into hetero territory, and I'm just not interested in all of that.
Jeffrey
"Coach Carr, step away from the underage girls."- Principal Duvall
What do Jeffrey and Coach Carr have in common? They LOVE the Asian ladies. I remember one of the first conversations I had with Jeffrey was about the Asian Journalists who were arrested in North Korea for trespassing. Tres sad (my thoughts are with you Lisa Ling and family). Jeffrey has an asian girlfriend named Lisa, and he says that shes a cunt, he's just dating her cause shes a c00t asian. In the same fashion, Coach Carr was all over Trang Pak and her underage pikachu. He's also been known to educate the underage(Kirin) and cluesless(Alex) about various sexual acts and terms. Asian lover and teacher, Jeffrey truly is one of a kind. I bet her jerks it to anime porn. Just sayin'.
Lorii
"She's fabulous, but she's evil."- Janis
What could be more glamourous than a girl from Newfoundland who drinks and swears alot, and talks about Salmon for a living. The best part of it all....THERE ARE TWO OF HER (Twinsies <3). The thing about Lorii is she is sweet as pie but if you cross her, she'll slit your throat open and make you apologize to her for getting blood on her shoes. I bet when she's older she is going to love smacking her husband around like some bondage bitch or something. She's gonna grab a guy by the nuts and never let him go. True Love <3.
RB
"Your face smells like peppermint." - Aaron
Ugh, RB. Such a dreamboat isn't he? I love the little fauxhawk he rocks in his picture on the banner. It's imitation of a real mohawk is almost as convincing as Alyssa's attempt at being a real bitch. What is there to say about RB? He's hot and he's hot. He works alot. I know he's a waiter, I'm guessing not at Hooters, but we can all dream big sometimes right? I'm pretty sure he's straight, but I've never guessed, so until then I am just going to assume he's gay and continue to adore him.
Tucker
"You know what! It's not my fault you're like, in love with me, or something!"- Cady
Okay so I know Tucker is like 100% straight, but I'm going to pretend he has a crush on me. Maybe I just can't read people, but I feel like he flirts with me sometimes. It could just be a British thing, you know those bitches are friendly as hell over there. I think it's because everyone is less judgemental of each other considering dental work is not covered under their universal healthcare. Not only that but their accents are secksee. Irregardless (ty Gretchen <3) I will continue to pretend he is in love with me until this game has ended.
And there you have it. The 10 other members of the merged tribe of iSurv1vor: Montenegro. Clearly I'm not included because let's be honest WHO WOULD EVER WANT TO MAKE FUN OF ME. And yes, my glaring eyes are for YOU Alyssa. I'm sorry my eyebrows are so big I have to shampoo them. STOP JUDGING ME FOR IT.
Done. <3
Truer words were never spoken better than her Fabulous Firecrotch self, a Miss. Cady Heron of Mean Girls. That quote can almost perfectly describe my current position in our iSurv1vor experience. The only difference is that I didn't push anyone (Kirin) in FRONT of a bus, I threw her UNDER the bus, yw! Did it feel good...no. But it had to be done.
Now with only 11 of us left, and a chance to roast my fellow contestants, I figured why not lead by example. Mean Girls is by far one of my favorite (and clearly the best) movies of all time. Therefore, I am going to use a quote from this famous film to describe exactly how I feel about each cast member currently in the game.
For the record, I was going to compare everyone to a Britney Spears song, but I figured that kiss-assness was far to obvious.
Without further adieu, let me introduce you to our current merge member of iSurv1vor: Montenegro.
Alex
"If you're from Africa, why are you white?"- Karen
Our resident little Chuy, Alex hails to us from the great state of MEXICO where their motto is "Pork, the other pandemic flu." I chose this quote for Alex mainly because he reminds me so much of our resident airhead Karen. Whether an act or not, it is epically humorous to get asked questions like "Whats a strap on?" and "Whats top and bottom mean?" With all the gays in this game, Alex's personal inquiries about the gay lifestyle can quickly be answered, but they make me giggle nonetheless.
Alyssa
"Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that."- Janis
Were you expecting any less? I mean really c'mon. It is no secret that Alyssa and I are not friends in this game. What I can respect about Alyssa, similar to Regina George, is that she isn't afraid to say how she feels regardless of other people's feelings. I think that makes her a ballsy individual, (insert Alex "Whats a ballsy?") however we can all agree she won't be running for the Mother Theresa Humanitarian of the Year Award. However, I do question her taste in lip products. Her cherrybomb, redfirecrotch lipstick is a little bit TOO red for my taste. However, one has to question whether it really is lipstick, or just the blood she sucked from poor Olyvia's body.
Britti
"Oh no, it was coming up again...word vomit."- Cady
I had no idea what quote I could use for Britti, because the fact of the matter is I often forget she's even in the game. We rarely if ever talk. I use this quote because when I DO talk to Britti I sound like Rainman having an epilleptic fit. I talk about the most random and useless things to try to keep a conversation afloat. She's the Victoria to my Jonathan ala The Amazing Race. I just drag her around during a conversation because she's too incapable of saying anything relevent back to me.
Erik
"I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me...but I can't help it that I'm so popular."- Gretchen
I could have sworn I was playing iSurv1vor, but quickly after joining I realized the game was who could deepthroat Erik's dick the best. It's seriously such a nerd herd mentality (think BB6) over Erik. I'm pretty sure I've compared him to the new cappy. I'd also like to make a suggestion that from now on, whenever someone gets voted out, their little icon picture on the banner turns to a picture of Erik. I'm waiting for everyone to start carrying pictures of him around and protesting for a "who knows Erik the best" immunity challenge.
Evan
"Those bitches."- Janis
This quote is taken from the scene in which Janis is told that the plastics have NOT been talking about her behind their back. I used it for Evan for a simple reason. Evan is never really in the majority. He is usually on the outs, but he ALWAYS thinks he is this major target. Obviously if you are in the minority you are going to be a target, but Evan thinks he is like a deer with his head on the wall, and he usually if not always ISN'T the target *lawlz*. It is a lil sad, because I think he wants so badly to be threatening, and if he isn't being targeted or talked about he gets a lil bitter. So c00t. <3
Jason
"Those other two are just her little workers."- Janis
We've established that Alyssa is the Regina George of iSurv1vor. Jason is her Gretchen. His picture is so sepia tone its full of secrets. I don't really know Jason well. It's difficult to talk to someone when their head is so far up anothers ass. I mean technically I could just grab a mic by Alyssa's ass and keep my fingers crossed that Jason can hear me up there, but to be honest, that close to a females ass is crossing into hetero territory, and I'm just not interested in all of that.
Jeffrey
"Coach Carr, step away from the underage girls."- Principal Duvall
What do Jeffrey and Coach Carr have in common? They LOVE the Asian ladies. I remember one of the first conversations I had with Jeffrey was about the Asian Journalists who were arrested in North Korea for trespassing. Tres sad (my thoughts are with you Lisa Ling and family). Jeffrey has an asian girlfriend named Lisa, and he says that shes a cunt, he's just dating her cause shes a c00t asian. In the same fashion, Coach Carr was all over Trang Pak and her underage pikachu. He's also been known to educate the underage(Kirin) and cluesless(Alex) about various sexual acts and terms. Asian lover and teacher, Jeffrey truly is one of a kind. I bet her jerks it to anime porn. Just sayin'.
Lorii
"She's fabulous, but she's evil."- Janis
What could be more glamourous than a girl from Newfoundland who drinks and swears alot, and talks about Salmon for a living. The best part of it all....THERE ARE TWO OF HER (Twinsies <3). The thing about Lorii is she is sweet as pie but if you cross her, she'll slit your throat open and make you apologize to her for getting blood on her shoes. I bet when she's older she is going to love smacking her husband around like some bondage bitch or something. She's gonna grab a guy by the nuts and never let him go. True Love <3.
RB
"Your face smells like peppermint." - Aaron
Ugh, RB. Such a dreamboat isn't he? I love the little fauxhawk he rocks in his picture on the banner. It's imitation of a real mohawk is almost as convincing as Alyssa's attempt at being a real bitch. What is there to say about RB? He's hot and he's hot. He works alot. I know he's a waiter, I'm guessing not at Hooters, but we can all dream big sometimes right? I'm pretty sure he's straight, but I've never guessed, so until then I am just going to assume he's gay and continue to adore him.
Tucker
"You know what! It's not my fault you're like, in love with me, or something!"- Cady
Okay so I know Tucker is like 100% straight, but I'm going to pretend he has a crush on me. Maybe I just can't read people, but I feel like he flirts with me sometimes. It could just be a British thing, you know those bitches are friendly as hell over there. I think it's because everyone is less judgemental of each other considering dental work is not covered under their universal healthcare. Not only that but their accents are secksee. Irregardless (ty Gretchen <3) I will continue to pretend he is in love with me until this game has ended.
And there you have it. The 10 other members of the merged tribe of iSurv1vor: Montenegro. Clearly I'm not included because let's be honest WHO WOULD EVER WANT TO MAKE FUN OF ME. And yes, my glaring eyes are for YOU Alyssa. I'm sorry my eyebrows are so big I have to shampoo them. STOP JUDGING ME FOR IT.
Done. <3