Post by Alex on Jul 15, 2009 12:35:43 GMT -5
Hey Sandy, Corey and Alumni. So this is my roast and like it’s gonna be a lot harder than last seasons because like I actually do like most of this people so bashing them is gonna be so much harder but I’ll try to like put my feelings aside and hope you enjoy it.
Alyssa – Ayssa, what to say about her? For starters she tries too hard to be a bitch, like okay little girl we understand you think you are a bitch but seriously? You don’t even have a reason to be one, you are not that good of a player, you are not so into the inner circle of allies and you are annoying as hell. So you are pretty, we get it but like no one would date you because they would have to have your mouth stuffed so you would stop talking because your voice is so annoying and your overall personality is really really annoying. Thank you though cause you have showed me that looks aren’t all.
Britti – This is by far the hardest roast of them all, what is there not to love about Britti? She is a pretty girl with a great personality, well at least when she shows the personality because normally you have to squeeze the personality out since she won’t talk to you if you don’t talk to her. She does realizes this is a social game and that it’s two sided right? Maybe she doesn’t talk too much because she is afraid people would notice her humongous forehead, like seriously I could write my roast in that thing, that’s why the bangs look better on her because then IT is covered but now that she has decided to pull her hair back, that girl is more forehead than body.
Erik – Oh hai, so Erik, ah, what to say about him? Did you guys knew he thinks being behind a computer a lot of time it’s like really really lame, but like I mean come on dude, you are behind the computer as well and if we are lame for doing it so are you, and no, not because everyone thinks you are smarter and like better looking does that mean you are less of a “loser” and I mean like also you are really naïve, you actually think I’m gonna go to the Final 2 with you. Nah-ah, seriously I’m not stupid, but I mean you are so into yourself and you are so condescending that you actually think that I’m just gonna follow you are like a little puppy, and that the rest of us are, but in reality you are not that smart or else you would know you are just our human shield, whoops
It’s fine though, like I’m sure when you get blindsided you can stop being the rest of us “losers”.
Evan – Evan, wow, he is so… stuck up, like the other day he was telling me his boss wanted to marry his daughter and like he got fired because he didn’t want to get married with her and I’m thinking to myself, dude why would your boss want you to marry his daughter if you are so fucking hideous, does he understand that if you guys have sex his poor daughter would get crushed under your weight and asphyxiate? I’m sorry but I’m not buying it, I’m pretty sure there’s hotter lawyers in the firm who are much smarter and who don’t smell or who can keep a conversation of something besides themselves. I mean I guess since you didn’t appear in anyone’s polls you felt you had to bring up some people might think you are hot, but you are not. Also, I loved it when you asked me about my vote where I said Jeffrey’s heart would be broken and I told you he had a crush on you and you totally bought it, I mean I know you were super excited that someone was finally looking for you, sorry to disappoint muffin but I lied.
Jason – Okay so Jason, like did you knew alcohol makes him gay? I’ve always thought when alcohol makes you like gay it’s because you are actually gay, like I mean come on grow some balls and admit that you like dick or at least you want to try it. And I mean it’s not like half the people in the cast didn’t think you were gay when the game started so trust me no one will be shocked when you decide you actually that you are into it.
Jeffrey – Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey. Did you guys knew Jeffrey has a crush on me? Yes, he told me the other night and I’m sitting here going like “why the fuck did you tell me? Didn’t you learn ANYTHING from Arabia? I used Bud’s feelings and like crushed him so why did you tell me?” Sorry Jeffrey but I would never date an underage boy from Long Island that has a thing for like Asians and feet. That’s kind of nasty and either way, you know I’m crushing on Erik so why the hell would you tell me? The best thing is when I tell you things about him and you get sooooo jealous and go like “’I’m better than Erik” um yeah, what about no? And I mean you don’t realize I’m using you to make all dirty deeds, I mean you are not even my type, like come on. You don’t even know how to shave, that’s a total fail. Learn from the past so you don’t get fucked up in the future.
Joey – I have had such a hard time thinking of something to say about Joey, and all I can think of is that he is a fat faggot. Lame I know, but like what is there to criticize about Joey? He is the perfect man, with his caterpillar eyebrows and gorgeous basset hound cheeks, then you have those lips that look permanently swollen as if someone had hit him in the face with a pan over and over, I guess that’s also why his face is like so messed up. And then he has that perfect walrus body which you can’t help but touch. Make your hand glide all over the warm fat and perfect man-boobs, yum yumm yum! Sorry I know after that description you are all going to need a cold shower, but honestly who can resist such a perfect specimen of a man, turns me on just thinking about his variz ridden body.
Lorii – The other day Lorii was upset ‘cause people called her a bitch… why would you be upset because people call you a bitch? I mean if you are a bitch then they’ll call you a bitch, it’s like calling a papaya a papaya, nothing extraordinary about it. If you don’t to be called a bitch the don’t be a bitch, it’s like common sense though I guess beer might have killed all the neurons you can use to think of the most simple things. It’s not your fault you never knew that beer kills neurons, I guess you wouldn’t even have known what a neuron is either way so why bother explaining you?
RB – Did you guys knew RB means Rich Boy? Who the fuck decides to go with a last name which expresses how rich or poor you are? That’s pretty damn pathetic to be honest, like why do you need to flaunt your money around in an online game? That’s lame, mean if people at home don’t care you are rich why would we care? And also like you would think someone who has such a nickname would have some type of personality, but he doesn’t, Teagan was more interesting than him, and that is saying A LOT. Sorry RB but overall you are a fail.
Tucker – Okay Tucker, you have such a lack of personality that it’s hard knowing to roast, when you develop a personality I might actually put some work into this. All I know about you is, your real name’s Rob, you are british [which means you probably smell and you have nasty teeth] and you feel you are this amazing player when in reality the only reason people remember you is because you have such a ridiculous name and you are one of Joey’s bitches.
Hope that made you at least smile, where the fuck did my sassiness go? I have no clue.
Hope you enjoy the rest of the season.
Alex
Alyssa – Ayssa, what to say about her? For starters she tries too hard to be a bitch, like okay little girl we understand you think you are a bitch but seriously? You don’t even have a reason to be one, you are not that good of a player, you are not so into the inner circle of allies and you are annoying as hell. So you are pretty, we get it but like no one would date you because they would have to have your mouth stuffed so you would stop talking because your voice is so annoying and your overall personality is really really annoying. Thank you though cause you have showed me that looks aren’t all.
Britti – This is by far the hardest roast of them all, what is there not to love about Britti? She is a pretty girl with a great personality, well at least when she shows the personality because normally you have to squeeze the personality out since she won’t talk to you if you don’t talk to her. She does realizes this is a social game and that it’s two sided right? Maybe she doesn’t talk too much because she is afraid people would notice her humongous forehead, like seriously I could write my roast in that thing, that’s why the bangs look better on her because then IT is covered but now that she has decided to pull her hair back, that girl is more forehead than body.
Erik – Oh hai, so Erik, ah, what to say about him? Did you guys knew he thinks being behind a computer a lot of time it’s like really really lame, but like I mean come on dude, you are behind the computer as well and if we are lame for doing it so are you, and no, not because everyone thinks you are smarter and like better looking does that mean you are less of a “loser” and I mean like also you are really naïve, you actually think I’m gonna go to the Final 2 with you. Nah-ah, seriously I’m not stupid, but I mean you are so into yourself and you are so condescending that you actually think that I’m just gonna follow you are like a little puppy, and that the rest of us are, but in reality you are not that smart or else you would know you are just our human shield, whoops
It’s fine though, like I’m sure when you get blindsided you can stop being the rest of us “losers”.Evan – Evan, wow, he is so… stuck up, like the other day he was telling me his boss wanted to marry his daughter and like he got fired because he didn’t want to get married with her and I’m thinking to myself, dude why would your boss want you to marry his daughter if you are so fucking hideous, does he understand that if you guys have sex his poor daughter would get crushed under your weight and asphyxiate? I’m sorry but I’m not buying it, I’m pretty sure there’s hotter lawyers in the firm who are much smarter and who don’t smell or who can keep a conversation of something besides themselves. I mean I guess since you didn’t appear in anyone’s polls you felt you had to bring up some people might think you are hot, but you are not. Also, I loved it when you asked me about my vote where I said Jeffrey’s heart would be broken and I told you he had a crush on you and you totally bought it, I mean I know you were super excited that someone was finally looking for you, sorry to disappoint muffin but I lied.
Jason – Okay so Jason, like did you knew alcohol makes him gay? I’ve always thought when alcohol makes you like gay it’s because you are actually gay, like I mean come on grow some balls and admit that you like dick or at least you want to try it. And I mean it’s not like half the people in the cast didn’t think you were gay when the game started so trust me no one will be shocked when you decide you actually that you are into it.
Jeffrey – Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey. Did you guys knew Jeffrey has a crush on me? Yes, he told me the other night and I’m sitting here going like “why the fuck did you tell me? Didn’t you learn ANYTHING from Arabia? I used Bud’s feelings and like crushed him so why did you tell me?” Sorry Jeffrey but I would never date an underage boy from Long Island that has a thing for like Asians and feet. That’s kind of nasty and either way, you know I’m crushing on Erik so why the hell would you tell me? The best thing is when I tell you things about him and you get sooooo jealous and go like “’I’m better than Erik” um yeah, what about no? And I mean you don’t realize I’m using you to make all dirty deeds, I mean you are not even my type, like come on. You don’t even know how to shave, that’s a total fail. Learn from the past so you don’t get fucked up in the future.
Joey – I have had such a hard time thinking of something to say about Joey, and all I can think of is that he is a fat faggot. Lame I know, but like what is there to criticize about Joey? He is the perfect man, with his caterpillar eyebrows and gorgeous basset hound cheeks, then you have those lips that look permanently swollen as if someone had hit him in the face with a pan over and over, I guess that’s also why his face is like so messed up. And then he has that perfect walrus body which you can’t help but touch. Make your hand glide all over the warm fat and perfect man-boobs, yum yumm yum! Sorry I know after that description you are all going to need a cold shower, but honestly who can resist such a perfect specimen of a man, turns me on just thinking about his variz ridden body.
Lorii – The other day Lorii was upset ‘cause people called her a bitch… why would you be upset because people call you a bitch? I mean if you are a bitch then they’ll call you a bitch, it’s like calling a papaya a papaya, nothing extraordinary about it. If you don’t to be called a bitch the don’t be a bitch, it’s like common sense though I guess beer might have killed all the neurons you can use to think of the most simple things. It’s not your fault you never knew that beer kills neurons, I guess you wouldn’t even have known what a neuron is either way so why bother explaining you?
RB – Did you guys knew RB means Rich Boy? Who the fuck decides to go with a last name which expresses how rich or poor you are? That’s pretty damn pathetic to be honest, like why do you need to flaunt your money around in an online game? That’s lame, mean if people at home don’t care you are rich why would we care? And also like you would think someone who has such a nickname would have some type of personality, but he doesn’t, Teagan was more interesting than him, and that is saying A LOT. Sorry RB but overall you are a fail.
Tucker – Okay Tucker, you have such a lack of personality that it’s hard knowing to roast, when you develop a personality I might actually put some work into this. All I know about you is, your real name’s Rob, you are british [which means you probably smell and you have nasty teeth] and you feel you are this amazing player when in reality the only reason people remember you is because you have such a ridiculous name and you are one of Joey’s bitches.
Hope that made you at least smile, where the fuck did my sassiness go? I have no clue.
Hope you enjoy the rest of the season.
Alex
